The Doctor's Visit

Are you ready for some information? My right ear produces a lot of wax. This is usually not a problem. But last week it got really excited, or maybe there was something in the air, and suddenly it was completely stuck up and clogged, and there was nothing I could do. So today I had a fun adventure going around the various clinics of Berkeley, trying to find a doctor who could flush it out for me.

It's a silly thing, and it's always slightly embarrassing to go in to somebody and say, hey, can you clean out my ear for me? Because, let's face it, ear wax is Gross. And who really wants to deal with somebody else's ear wax when your own is bad enough? So I feel bad for these people. And you might say, well, can't you clean out your own ears? Well, sure I can. And I do, but when you have lovely ears like mine, well, the reality is that sometimes you just need a little help.

Help in the form of what turned out to be a kind of hose gun hooked up to the sink faucet. It was a lot cleaner, I'll say, than the big metal syringes I have been presented with in the past that kind of got water all over the place. This one had two tubes: one in, one out. I could even see my "wax off" going down the tubes. Isn't that exciting?

It probably took a good 12 minutes to do the procedure, and when it was done, I felt like a different person. It was amazing.

But while I was waiting, I noted the labels on the little box drawers they had in the office. Cotton swabs. Betadine. Cleansing wipes. Hemoccult testers. Hemoccult? Is that to test the blood of the Occult? A misspelling? No. But you never know. This is Berkeley. When I filled out my medical information form, my sex could have been male, female, or transgender.

And I'm not sure, but I think the doctor/nurse who was evaluating me might have been checking me out, in a more than medical sense. She seemed to glance down at my chest quite often, and when she complimented me on my necklace, as I was sitting on the table, her generous bosom grazing my arm, she touched the leather chain and said it looked especially soft. My doctor doesn't normally touch my necklace. I asked her name on the way out, and she told me and said I should take her card out front. It sounded almost like there was some innuendo in her voice. I couldn't be sure. But maybe I should call her for a drink.

No. On second thought, I think I'll stick with boys.